A riddle for you married folks: When is a scrap of paper not a scrap of paper?
The answer: When it is a test.
Ah, now you may ask: When is a scrap of paper a test?
The answer: When said scrap of paper has been lying on the bathroom floor for five days in silent protest.
Really? You still have questions? Ah, dammit. I’ll just spell it out for you, and I’m sure you’ll catch on soon.
The scene: Wife is sick and tired of being the one always cleaning up the same crap day after day. (Why does someone always spill juice within an hour of mopping the floor any way?) One morning, Wife is greeting by the now infamous scrap of a paper on the bathroom floor. A receipt from CVS, if you must know. Wife sighs with the knowledge that this is but a long line of scraps that will be picked up only to be replaced by another long line of scraps, wet towels, and a supply of socks that never seems to end. Wife wonders how long the scrap would sit on the floor if she didn’t pick it up. Wife forces herself to ignore the Scrap from Hell, hotfooting it out of the bathroom.
Minutes then hours then days go by. At each visit to the bathroom, Wife is greeted by the Scrap from Hell. Sometimes it waves gaily. Sometimes it sticks out its tongue and says, “Neener neener neeeee-ner.” Sometimes is flips her the bird. But always, it remains untouched, ignored, invisible to the rest of the household.
Finally on Day Five, Wife concedes defeat. In one graceful though heavy-hearted swoop, the scrap is deposited in the recycling bin, a mere three feet away.
How many Scraps from Hell would party down all night long in a Husband-run household? Is Wife an overly tidy shrew? Is Husband a thoughtless slob? Are Children spoiled ingrates?
Stay tuned for the next installment of Matrimonial Jeopardy.